Category Archives: Inspiration

Editorial: I’m Utterly Astonished

Six Bananas, a first here at Cannibalism Today. I can not be any more amused. I’m shocked by the amount of amusement. I would have to now say that every one of our astonishing principles of Totalitarianism has been fully … Continue reading

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July 4th – 3,226 Requests for Government Assistance

Oppressed citizens around the world are calling out for help with their health, safety, and welfare. It is the duty of the US Government and the joy of Satan to respond by making citizens free from personal responsibility. Our representative … Continue reading

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Show Your Support

Get Free T-Shirts for Your Livestock Free T-Shirts have been ordered and printed for every United States citizen. I understand that they only come in one size, but it is made out of expansive material, and every lamb should be … Continue reading

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Editorial: Our Sacred Trust

Is Evolution Evolving? The principle of evolution is one of our most sacred trusts. By it we justify our existence as Cannibals and we inoculate ourselves against moral criticism. By it we subjugate the unwashed masses through doctrinal subversion. We … Continue reading

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Why Patriots Fight

the pursuit of peace… defending liberty… unity, human dignity, and the pursuit of justice. NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, [Christian Soldier and] President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim May 3, 2012, as a Nationalized Day of … Continue reading

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Hope and Change

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White House Surrenders to New World Order

One of our favorite and most productive field agents, the esteemed Cass Sunstein, explains how American livestock are to be gently guided for the rest of the 21st century: As we work with other governments to tackle unnecessary differences in … Continue reading

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