Category Archives: Mission

Editorial: I’m Utterly Astonished

Six Bananas, a first here at Cannibalism Today. I can not be any more amused. I’m shocked by the amount of amusement. I would have to now say that every one of our astonishing principles of Totalitarianism has been fully … Continue reading

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SCOTUS Upholds Tax on Unbelievers

The Supreme Court of the United States today upheld the right of the Legislative branch to tax those who do not worship at the feet of the Cannibal God, the US Government. Our victory is guaranteed. In the majority opinion, … Continue reading

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Editorial: Our Sacred Trust

Is Evolution Evolving? The principle of evolution is one of our most sacred trusts. By it we justify our existence as Cannibals and we inoculate ourselves against moral criticism. By it we subjugate the unwashed masses through doctrinal subversion. We … Continue reading

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Improving the Lives of Americans

Livability means… … building the communities that help Americans live the lives they want to live – all without having to get into their car. — Secretary Ray LaHood U.S. Department of Transportation An unidentified U.S. DOT official inspects the … Continue reading

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The Six Principles of Life

The flavor of of most crackers is improved when the “6 Principles of Life” are properly applied during production. Salt provides an optional, but savory enhancement.

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Compassionate Conservatism

Republican George Bush first uttered these words in order to persuade fence sitters in a presidential election that he was a Democrat just as much as he was a Republican. As a result, he successfully captured the highest office in … Continue reading

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Public Service Message

Eat well and prosper.

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