Kids.gov: We Are Not Child-Molesters

Recent, disturbing headlines are turning my stomach, as I’m sure they are yours.

For those of you in Shiner, Texas, USA.gov and kids.gov, where Cannibalism Is Made Easysm, has issued a statement expressing sorrow for the recent tragedy, and for having to close their offices in Shiner, due to protests.

“The piece of shit that died from the bludgeoning will not be consumed by any citizen for ritualistic or other purposes, under penalty of death. The penalty applies recursively.” officials said.

Some residents in the area were clamoring for the Government to leave, and to leave their children behind. Still others wondered why the Government had been granted an apparent legal monopoly to molest their children, and so held prayer vigils for deliverance from government encouragement. A few more even complained the “piece of shit” announcement looked more like an endorsement of the child-molester, given the President’s recent endorsement of shit-hole penis insertion.

For a bit of good news, Government Family Planning Officials are now collecting pre-processing fees for the cost of bludgeoning women who do not have permits to reproduce. In a prepared statement, officials stated:

“We’d like to have as many as possible working to pay each fair share of the $136 trillion debt that’s been accumulated, but the process must be scientifically managed and controlled to produce the Greatest Goodsm, to ensure the Promised Rate of Returnsm, and to Guarantee the Survival of the Speciessm.”

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About Head Hunter

CANNIBALISMTODAY :: THE Magazine for the Modern Totalitarian
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