The most populous county in the nation, Los Angeles, California, is willing and able to protect its inhabitants from any and all harm.
According to news there,
Officials warned that any activities that could potentially harm “any person or property on or near the beach” should not be allowed during the peak summer season.
The edict is a simple, but concise formulation of our beloved precautionary principle, the modern analogue of the antiquated common defense principle. The edict protects both people and rocks on the beach.
Violators engaging in any activity that could potentially harm anyone or anything on the beach subject themselves to as much as $1000 in fines and 6 months in jail.
Illegal activities include rock disturbing, frisbee flying, and ball throwing (unless the ball is a beachball or volleyball). Presumably, it is best not to wake a sleeping rock.
I see no justifiable reason for limiting the scope of the ban to the beach. People can be hurt anywhere; rocks can woken from their slumber even in the mountains. And I personally would have made a swift barbequing the consequence, but to each cannibal their own.
After we have fully implemented our plan to provide freedom and protection for all who dwell on the land, we will remember these days of small but significant strides in forward thinking areas such as Los Angeles county.