50 Unimpeachable Proofs

A pious subscriber sent me the most unimpeachable proof that Barack Obama is a Christian. Posted below for your edification. Out of the mouths of babes…

1. Jesus said: “For many are called, but few are chosen.”
Barack was chosen, for he is the POTUS, the President of the United States.


2. Jesus said “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s”.
Barack is the head tax collector, like Caesar was, and Jesus said to give your money to him. Barack accepts your money. Barack is obedient to the Word of God.

3. Jesus sacrificed himself for the good of mankind, and was obedient to God’s Word unto death.
Barack sacrifices himself for the good of mankind. Barack will do so until he breathes his last breath. Barack is clearly imitating Jesus.

4. Moses said to be kind to strangers. Barack is kind to illegal aliens by freely granting them citizenship and giving them the money Jesus told him to collect from others. Barack is a wise and faithful steward of the things of God, just like Moses and Jesus were.

5. Covetous Pharisees who heard Jesus derided him.
Barack has heard Jesus and would not ever deride him. Barack knows Jesus’ very thoughts.

6. Jesus said to “On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets”.
Barack is a lawyer, and artfully hangs pictures of dead prophets in the White House.

7. The LORD said unto my Lord, Sit thou on my right hand, till I make thine enemies thy footstool.
Barack used Osama Bin Laden’s body as a footstool in news releases.

8. Jesus said: “God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.”
Barack is alive, he is breathing. Therefore the God of Jesus is the God of Barack .

9. Jesus said “Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God”.
Barack does not err. Therefore he knows the scriptures, and the power of God.

10. The Pharisees “took counsel how they might entangle him [Jesus] in [his] talk”.
In contrast to the Pharisees, Barack is a counselor and community organizer, and intertwines the words of Jesus in his own talks.

11. Jesus answered and spake unto them again by parables.
Barack speaks in paragraphs from a teleprompter, sometimes hyperbolically. Hyperbolas are parabolas turned inside-out.

12. Jesus said “Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage.”
Barack invites as many as are qualified to apply for public housing and free lunches. He has a whole army of bureaucrats and community organizers to assist him, perhaps doing Jesus one better. Jesus only had 12.

13. Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.
Barack likes olives too.

14. Pharisees brought unto him [Jesus] a woman taken in adultery…Jesus said: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”
Barack did not throw a stone. He would have given her abortion pills and a package of contraceptive devices.
Off-topic: You can see how Barack has as much if not more concern for the woman than Jesus. Jesus told her to “go and sin no more.” I’m thinking here that Barack might be able to teach Jesus a thing or two about compassion.

15. Jesus’ critics said: “Where is thy Father? Jesus answered, Ye neither know me, nor my Father: if ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also.”
Barack wrote a book about the dreams of his Kenyan father to silence his critics, just like Jesus did.

16. Of Jesus it is said “no man laid hands on him; for his hour was not yet come.”
Like Jesus, Barack has the secret service to protect him. No man lays hands on him either.

17. Jesus said “whither I go, ye cannot come.”
Barack repeatedly and smartly says this to people who hound him for answers to stupid questions.

18. Jesus said to those born of the seed of the serpent: “Ye are from beneath; I am from above”
Barack is from above, from Illinois, which is situated above more than 80% of the earth’s surface.

19. Jesus said to those born of the wrong seed: “if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.”
Barack is still alive, and will be for a long time. Therefore he is not born of the seed of the serpent, like Cain was.

20. Jesus’ enemies said “Who art thou? And Jesus saith unto them, Even the same that I said unto you from the beginning.”
Barack is the same as he has always said he was. Just like Jesus.

21. Jesus said “I speak to the world those things which I have heard of him [God].”
Barack quotes the Bible to people when time and circumstance allows.

22. Jesus enemies “understood not that he spake to them of the Father.”
Barack’s enemies do not understand his Father either. So he wrote a book to help clarify the issue. This did not Jesus.

23. Jesus said “as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things.”
Barack speaks about what his Father taught him, just like Jesus.

24. Jesus said “I do always those things that please him.” He spoke God’s Word, and performed signs, miracles, and wonders to bless God’s people.
Barack has performed astonishing and benevolent feats with other people’s money. He is a true philanthropist.

25. “As he [Jesus] spake these words, many believed on him.”
When Barack speaks, many believe in him also. His promise of hope and change is inspiring. He is obviously a brother of Jesus.

26. Jesus said “If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed”.
When we continue in Barack’s word, and stay on message, we are his disciples. Barack is helping us to fulfill Jesus’ request that we be disciples.

27. Jesus said “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Barack is cutting the chains of inequality, poverty and want on a daily basis. He is making us free, just like Jesus.

28. Jesus said “Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin”
Barack is a servant of the people, elected by them. Therefore he is not the servant of sin. You cannot serve God and mammon.

29. Jesus said “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”
Barack is freeing people from the toil and hardship that defines their lives. They are becoming free indeed, just like Jesus promised.

30. Jesus said “my word hath no place in you.” to those born of the seed of the serpent.
Barack says the same thing to his enemies.

31. Jesus said to his enemies “I speak that which I have seen with my Father: and ye do that which ye have seen with your father.”
Again, Barack wrote a book, whereas Jesus did not himself write a book addressing this issue.

32. Jesus said “If ye were Abraham’s children, ye would do the works of Abraham.”
Abraham had two children, Ishmael and Isaac, to whom all modern believers trace lineage. Muslims through Ishmael, Christians through Isaac. Obviously, Barack is on the side of the Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, for that is the side Jesus descends from.

33. Jesus said “But now ye seek to kill me, a man that hath told you the truth”
There are many who seek to kill Barack as well, including the Taliban, just like Jesus.

34. Jesus’ enemies claimed that “we have one Father, even God.” They were lying through their teeth.
Barack’s enemies lie through their teeth, even to his face, just like Jesus.

35. Jesus said “If God were your Father, ye would love me”
Barack loves Jesus. He loves all the little children too. That is why he wants to feed, clothe, and educate them using money God instructed him to collect.

36. Jesus said “Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word.”
Barack does not understand why some people do not believe him either. Barack has to deal with the same problems Jesus did.

37. Jesus said to his enemies “Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do.”
Barack has said as much to the Allah worshippers. He shot Osama Bin Laden right down, through his head!

38. Jesus said “He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him.”
Barack is a protector of freedom and liberty to all who will ride. He will protect us from murderers. He speaks truth like Jesus did because he quotes the Bible.

39. Jesus said “When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.”
Barack knows that God’s arch-enemy, the Devil is the author, the father of all lies, just like Jesus said. Barack knows that what liars call God is the spineless, worthless, dick-faced Baal or Allah spoken of so frequently in the Old Testament.

40. Jesus said “And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not.”
Many do not believe Barack either, just like they don’t believe Jesus. Thankfully, there is a day coming in the future when God will judge all those men, and cast their false Gods into a burning, fiery lake.

41. Jesus said “He that is of God heareth God’s words”
Barack has spent at least twenty years of his life hearing God’s Word.

42. Jesus said “ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.”
Since Barack heard them in his church every Sunday, he is obviously of God.

43. Jesus accusers said “Say we not well that thou art a Samaritan, and hast a devil?”
Barack’s accusers say that he is not a Christian, and is inspired or posessed by devils. Just like Jesus.

44. “Jesus answered, I have not a devil; but I honour my Father, and ye do dishonour me.”
Barack’s detractors are dishonoring him as well, even though he holds the highest office in the land.

45. Jesus said “I seek not mine own glory”
Barack seeks the glory that comes only from God. He will have his reward, too, just like you will, if you stand up for Jesus.

46. Jesus said “If a man keep my saying, he shall never see death.”
Barack promises almost as much in his health care reform, provided the Supreme Court does not get in his way. I never said that Barak was Jesus, he is simply like him, for he is a Christian.

47. Jesus said “if I should say, I know him [God] not, I shall be a liar like unto you: but I know him, and keep his saying.”
Barack would be a liar to say he did not know God. The ones lying are those who say he doesn’t know God or Jesus. Do you see the indefensible circular reasoning employed by his enemies?

48. Jesus said “Your father Abraham rejoiced to see my day: and he saw it, and was glad.”
We have rejoiced to see Barack chosen in this day and time, and we will rejoice when he gets reelected. This is similar to the resurrection of the dead, of whom Jesus was the first-fruits.

49. Jesus enemies said “Thou art not yet fifty years old, and hast thou seen Abraham?”
Barack is now fifty years old, a little better than Jesus who didn’t get past 30.

50. “Then took they up stones to cast at him: but Jesus hid himself, and went out of the temple, going through the midst of them, and so passed by.”
Barack has dodged every stone thrown at him so far. Does he not operate the power of God, just like Jesus said we would? Even if Barack does not survive indefinitely, God will raise Barack from the dead and give him a new body at the return of Jesus Christ, just like God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. You cannot deny it.

Again, I do not say that Barack is comparable to Jesus, only that he is following in his steps, and so is undeniably a devout Allah-hating, God-worshipping Christian. Christians are taught to hate the devil, his children, dumb idols, and every false way, and should recognize that the teachings of Barack Obama agree with the teachings of Jesus Christ.

From another esteemed blogger:
I think there may be good reasons why some people will not vote for Obama in November, but his commitment to Christianity is not one of them.

About Head Hunter

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10 Responses to 50 Unimpeachable Proofs

  1. the whiner says:

    I have never seen such a large pile of shit on display in all of my life. You are going to need a pile of these to cart it off…

    Shit Box

  2. Head Hunter says:

    Pejoratives, really? You refuse to debate the issue? You don’t stand a chance.

  3. Sally says:

    I think it is more than a coincidence that there are fifty articles of proof, like there are fifty states in the union. Well done, sir, whoever you are!

  4. the whiner says:

    @HH You refuse to debate the issue?

    OK, I admit that people like free stuff, especially all the stuff both the Dems and Repubs promise. It is seemingly not in one’s best interest to vote contrary to accepting all the goodies.

    But the difference between Jesus and Barak is that Jesus offered all he did for free, without charge, and without price to anyone. He bore and bears the full burden of cost for those things you say are free. And the product Jesus offers is far superior – he guarantees not only deliverance from bondage, poverty, want, and oppression, but everlasting life as well.

    Jesus said that whoever would drink of the water he had to offer would never thirst again. With Barak, no one’s thirst will ever be satisfied.

  5. Head Hunter says:

    So you admit that if the people reject what Jesus has to offer, which is free and without price, then it is the duty of Barak and every governmment to collect the taxes and purchase mankind’s deliverance for them?

    Now I feel as though I am getting through to you.

    HH

  6. the whiner says:

    Before God, as a leader of God’s people, Barak should be calling people back to God and his word, not to the government feeding trough. He, like all of you, is going to answer to God one day for speaking evil about God, for his blasphemy.

    You are not assisting God, you are trying to take His place.

    You are sick in the head, Mr. Hunter. Squirm and squeam in your arrogance while you still have time.

  7. Head Hunter says:

    as a leader of God’s people, Barak should…

    FAIL! You forget we are really atheists dressed up in Christian clothing.

    I’m not concerned in the least with your predictions of the future, any more than I am with the predictions of our climate scientists about impending doom. You all say the sky is falling. I got up this morning, and the sun was still shining, gloriously I might add.

    We will use the sheeple’s ignorance and fears against them. It is incredibly profitable. They have absolutely no understanding of the Bible, nor of tomorrow’s weather.

  8. the whiner says:

    We will use the sheeple’s ignorance and fears against them.

    Indeed, the people have forsaken God, the fountain of living waters, and hewn themselves out cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water. There are two evils there, as Hosea 4:6 says.

    Nonetheless, Jesus said that if any man thirsts, if he would come to him, Jesus, he would give him living water to drink. And:

    “He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.”

    All it takes is thirst, I guess. I don’t know where thirst for the living water comes from. Deep within the heart, I suppose. Maybe that is why Jesus said “Many are called, but few are chosen.”

    Selah.

  9. the whiner says:

    You forget we are really atheists dressed up in Christian clothing.

    An atheist is a theist who asserts that he himself is the supreme being.

    Maybe we should call you me-theists. Or rubbish.

  10. Head Hunter says:

    Maybe we should call you me-theists.

    I like atheist because ‘A’ is the first letter of the alphabet. I’m reminded atheists come before theists, according to Webster. Cain was the first atheist of mankind. He slew his brother Abel, whose name also starts with ‘A’.

    On the other hand, you may call me Prometheus, to honor our ‘Progressive’ roots :)

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