We’ve received our copy of the 2012 Election Handbook in the mail today, and are anxiously thumbing the pages. You can expect to get yours any day now. The remainder of the country will get theirs beginning November 7th.
Thoughtful, moving, and brilliantly written. – The New York Times
Is Evolution Evolving?
The principle of evolution is one of our most sacred trusts. By it we justify our existence as Cannibals and we inoculate ourselves against moral criticism. By it we subjugate the unwashed masses through doctrinal subversion.
We state that the survival of the species is the highest calling to which mankind is called. Every thought, every decision, and every act of mankind is driving the individual and the collective to save itself from extinction. Since we are convincingly mortal, we generate offspring to perpetuate the current generation.
Our cattle are likewise scientifically managed to ensure their health, welfare, safety, and continued existence throughout their generations.
A species that does not reproduce dies. Homosexualism by its very definition is at odds with our doctrine of evolution: a homosexual does not reproduce. Those who support homosexualism, those among us who claim to be working for the greater good, are violating what is perhaps our most sacred trust – securing the blessings of cannibalism and ensuring the survival of the species.
Now we may call for the evolution of evolution to promote a political agenda and to capture votes, but who are we deceiving? If we corrupt our tenants to satisfy perverse desires, we risk corrupting our thinking and diluting our message. We have to take the time to explain and keep clear our ultimate goal. We put our children at incredible risk when they grow up to replace us: they will not have the institutional knowledge of the circumlocutions we’ve devised.
The beauty of the theory of evolution is its simplicity. Our mesmerizing tautology “survival of the fittest” has been enormously successful in capturing the minds of academia, educators, and bureaucrats around the world. Cannibalism’s very foundation is at risk when you ask that our theory evolve to suit your present taste. All of our policies and edicts are founded upon this rock of evolution; evolving evolution will turn this rock to sand.
We risk undoing over 100 years of evolutions, progress if you will. The one principle that cannot evolve is the principle of evolution. Mr. President, we know that homosexualism was not a dream of your Father, for he fathered you. Your coming out of the closet is not taking us forward, it is taking us backward. You risk bringing derision not only on all of us, but worse, on the entire Totalitarian tradition.
Mr. President, we urge you to pick up a hymnal and get yourself back into one of the good books, before it is too late.
Evolution is NOT a sexual-preference-change operation.
I’ve been going through an evolution on this issue.
- Barack Obama, May 2012
We sent out a warning last week. This is what happens, folks, when you fail to heed the warning signs.
This truck was last seen going through an evolution before it careened off course and stuck itself in a big fat duck.
This truck was going through an evolution when it stopped and shit a load of bricks.
While Barack was going through an evolution, he wondered what to do with his penis, and dreamt the Dreams of his father.
Dinosaur Crap
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THE THING FROM THE STORM DRAIN HAS ESCAPED.
LEVEL 5 HAZARD. FOLKS, WE ARE COMPLETELY PERPLEXED. REPEAT. FOLKS, WE ARE COMPLETELY PERPLEXED. PLEASE WARN YOUR NEIGHBORS. SEEK SHELTER UNDERGROUND. PROTECT YOUR LIVESTOCK. THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENT HAS THE CAPACITY TO SWEEP BUILDINGS FROM THEIR FOUNDATIONS.
CATEGORY F5: Incredible damage.
Strong frame houses lifted off foundations and carried considerable distances to disintegrate; automobile sized missiles fly through the air in excess of 100 m (109 yd); trees debarked; steel reinforced concrete structures badly damaged.
DISCUSSION: THIS EVENT IS FOLLOW UP OF LAST WEEK’S PUBLIC SERVICE ADVISORY.
A couple of recommended books along the same meme.
Thoughtful, moving, and brilliantly written. – The New York Times
